Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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