How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
