I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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