i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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