a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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