instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have already put on my inside pants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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