Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
