the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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