it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
