Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
