Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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