He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
