How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
