She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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