dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
