Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We had to coat check the pizza.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
