So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
