Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
