You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
