He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
