my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
