smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
