So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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