i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
