dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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