community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
