i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
