I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
