we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
