Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
