do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
