No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
