i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
