I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
