I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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