Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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