Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
