Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
