Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
