dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
