i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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