For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
