I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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