Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
