Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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