The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
