I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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