We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
