Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
