just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
