Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
