Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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