I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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