you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
