I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
