I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
