STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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