Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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