I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
